Escape...

I lay with my head deep, feeling the sand within...

The scorching sun blinding, burning my skin...

I can barely hear...Is that a distant cry...

I can sense the shadows as the vultures fly...

Their hungry eyes... ready to gnaw at my bones...

I open my mouth to scream...alas just moans...

No reason to live no water no leaf no bone...

No seas...no mirage...no hope..no songs... no soul...

As the hours of sand cave in on my wretched state...

I resign, resign to my fate...

Did I come here to die... to wither away....

To end the suffering...the deceit...the agony...

Now I feel no pain I feel no sorrow...
I have no hope for a tomorrow...

As I step into a land far away... I know this was the only escape...

Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee

As she stood and looked into no man's land,
Her eyes searching over the blowing sand,
With her heart caged in agony, said she
Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

She lived each day, as they come and go,
Does it really matter who is friend or foe,
With her soul lost to the one far out, said she,
Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

Whispers of his battles reach her ears,
She bears them all with pride but fear,
With faith and belief within her heart, said she,
Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

Times were passing the skies did darken,
The love the bond remained unshaken,
With longing through the rains and stormy nights, said she,
Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

With the enemy at the gates it was time to retreat,
She refused to leave or fall at their feet,
With a smile on her face hands reaching out, said she,
Come back, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

When he did return with glory and pride,
He found her there waiting his bride,
But alas when he reached her side, said she,
We shall unite, my hero, I shall wait for thee.

I see the dying spark...

Far away till the horizon blue... not a soul in sight not a bird...
I cannot hear anything but my breath my words...
In the distance i see no land...Lost at sea I look around...
I strain my ears for a shriek a croak a muffled sound...
Nothing nothing at all for as far as I can see as far as I can strain my ear...
In silence fearing my breathing too loud I wait for something to come near...

Then in the distance I hear the din the thudding and a moan...
I see the silhouettes... Then a piercing scream chilling to the bone...
I look around with bloodshot eyes fearing what i might be staring at...
Then it was again.. who is calling out with such pain that tears apart the heart...
I see the setting sun darkness creeping in...
As i float around aimlessly fear growing pain surging through my skin...
The screams grow louder the light grows dim dark...
Covering hiding lying on the floor I hear my cries my screams soften...I see the dying spark...

Indifference...

Where do I go, where do I hide,
Are there no feelings left inside...
Where is the smile, where is the laugher,
Where is the pain and the tears thereafter...

There is no hope there is no light,
There is no sorrow there is no plight...
How is it that Im not reaching out,
And pushing away those who boundaries flout...

Indifference is bliss is it not,
Cant go on too many battles lost too many fought...
No friends no foes no enemies no allies,
When somewhere the spark just dies...

I walk alone on the path I take,
Lonesome weary what do I have at stake...
Is there a light I see ahead, a horizon,
Alas, did I even notice the setting sun turn crimson...

The pain...

Pain surges piercing my heart...
Every ounce of my flesh tingles with sorrow... every part...
Every vein gushes with a force not known...
Its not the force of adrenalin or the sweet overtones at all...
Its sorrow pain anger and hate... Strong emotions all...

Look around I see no colour...
It is just grey and dark... nothing bright just pallor...
I grope in the dark there is nothing to hold to support...
Im guarding my fort...
Alas the enemy has already broken in and destroyed...
What is it that I guard... when the enemy is from the inside...
Stand away the guards are down... the fort did fall...
Its sorrow pain anger and hate... Strong emotions all...

Where do I go from here... what should i be?
Surrounded by the dark forest and the raging sea...
All there is to do is look at the sky... is it still blue?
And lose myself in the sadness of what remains...
Ruins of a past... of the days gone by... the trodden lanes...
What is it thats in my heart... if there is a heart at all...
Its sorrow pain anger and hate... Strong emotions all...

Missing u...

I want to hold you close your heart against mine,
Hear your heartbeat race against time,
Look into those deep dreamy eyes,
And drown in the happiness that therein lies,
I want to reach across the miles,
Just to see you happy to see you smile,
I want to be there to celebrate,
To thank god for our faith and fate...

It saddens me that I'm not with you,
To share the joy and sing with you,
I want to stand by you through life's trying times,
To egg you on to hold your hand,
I miss you dear my pain is true,
I miss being with you... for you...

Dont cry my friend...

Run my dear, run though the forests and mines,
Through those creepers and vines,
Fight the fear, brave the storms...
Come here dear into my arms.

Dont cry, shed no tear,
Leave all anxiety, leave all fear,
Life's path may be full of ups and downs,
But you will find me if you turn around.

Life is unfair a lot many times,
You think that none of life's tunes rhyme,
When your boat of confidence is stranded in the stormy sea,
Adjusting the mast you will find me.

When you think the world is against you,
Things to excite you are rare and few,
Step out of the dizzy tide,
Come here dear in my heart you can hide.

I will be there for you, you need not ask,
With me you need to wear no mask,
Come to me when you want to talk, to smile,
Come to me when you want to cry for a while,
I promise you dear friend when life ends and we die,
On the sands of life together we will lie...

Goodnight... Sweet dreams

With a smile on my face and a tear in my eye,

I chose to say to you goodbye,

Sleep well dearie while all is sound,

Who knows what would come around,

In the book of life there are chapters three,

The past, the present and the yet to be,

What the future holds is uncertainty,

Of where we'll be led by destiny,

So sleep well dearie leave all fear,

Cos today we are happy... our heart's are clear...

The tempest...

After days of calm a storm brewed,
The clouds burdened the earth darker grew,
The rain gods were angry,
They were hurt and pained,
The seamen had erred and so it shall rain.

They apologized from the depths of their hearts,
As they struggled to steer to save the masts,
As it rained and poured, they asked to be forgived,
It shall not repeat, they earnestly promised.

It was the right potion to win them over,
Love apology and time together,
The gods loved them too mush so,
The skies began to clear, the sun began to show,
The rage was shortlived as it is always so.

The seamen relieved after a stormy night,
Weary but joyous were full of life,
And as I wipe the tears off my eye,
You adjust your sails for a bright blue sky.

I am who I am...

Yesterday I was literally dragged to a Marathi Musical of Song and Dance called 'Marathi Bana' ( Marathi arrow) by my mother who refused to take no for an answer. I was as usual reluctant about any entertainment in the Marathi medium. 'I dont like it' ' It isnt of the level of my liking' 'I dont understand a thing' were my usual excuses... But I'm glad I went...

It was a beautiful performance. All acts were well coordinated and perfected, you were not given a chance to get distracted by anything. But all this is superficial, the performance was a professionally handled, well rehearsed art form. Then what it is that made it different?
It struck a chord... It brought those goosepimples... It made me proud... of who I am... Marathi!

As a child learning in English medium Parsi and Convent schools, English was always the language of comfort. Perfecting English and leaving Marathi far behind was commonplace. So what? Who needs Marathi in this world? It is true I know, and I know my Marathi will not improve but I now believe that more than the language what matters is what you retain within you. Language is just a part of what makes you who you are. The traditions, the customs passed on for generations; the rich heritage in the form of folk songs, folklores, dance forms make up our past. The different Gods and Goddesses, their stories, their bhajans, their bhakti is what runs in our blood... It is our heritage... We were born with links and ties which cannot and should not be severed... Being aware of who you are... of which family you are born into and being proud of it makes us complete...

It is true that today we are very adaptable which is a good trait no doubt, but somewhere all of us are forgetting our roots. It is right to give up orthodoxy and it is right to question customs you dont agree with... But it is also right to say your morning Marathi prayer, it is also right to celebrate Ganeshchaturthi, it is also right to visit your Kuldaivat (Family deity).

Today given a choice I know I will still speak in English, not wear a nine yard saree nor go for Marathi movies but I know that deep down inside I am a Marathi Manus (Marathi Person) and very proud to be one... And if anyone objects or raising a finger at my roots I will draw swords...

Jai Maharashtra!

Living others' dreams...

I recently bagged a seat in a prestigious institute. I was excited, happy and relieved. I was on an alltime high. As soon as news broke out that I got through people came up to me... I extended my hand ready with a Thank you but... 'When you resigning?' I went 'huh?' or it would be 'you are surely taking it up right?' before i could answer someone would answer him for me... 'ofcourse yes... she is'... again 'huh?'
People decided to celebrate my success... with or without me!
Am I not being left out here? !!
I was branded a lunatic for not having resigned the next day! I didnt want to resign just yet and decided to stay put for sometime... I was comfortable the way things were...Word spread like wildfire... and I was put under pressure...
I felt as if I am on my own ship taken over by pirates ... I'm walking the plank with chants of 'resign... resign... resign... resign...' aaaaaaaaa!!!!
But I fought... Just the way Jack Sparrow did against that sick smelly thing (whatever it was)... I continued to go to office as if nothing had happened and took no notice of the glares and taunts...

Finally on D-day (which I must admit I preponed by 2 days) I told my boss the scenario... He just refused to accept the letter!! He even wanted a 'tea break' in between our 'discussion'. My reaction: What!! It was a battle so to say, one and a half hours of sheer war... I told him 'Boss...I gotta do what I gotta do... period!'
When I broke the good news to my fellow collegues several hands shot out all at once... Congrations and Jubilations... We celebrated with songs and machine-made coffee...

I had finally completed their dream! Resigned for a better future...

Extreme emotions...

Has there ever been a time when after a particular bout of erratic behaviour you have said to yourself... Why did I do that?

Impulsive actions have always taken their toll on my life, but what baffles me is that in a similar situation the reactions I give to different people is different... sometimes to the extent that I may laugh with one person on his comment but verbally condemn another...
Also when it comes to love, hope, expectations ... expect the unexpected!!
I am highly emotional with a few... every word they say is analysed rewound replayed checked for faults... while if someone else just as close says the same thing i would go... Pooh!
In a fit of white rage I end up blasting off near and dear ones without thinking... Why? Not that I am originally like that... I do not get angry very soon or very often but why is it that I'm so touchy about a few people and few topics...
Calm down they say... dont be so temperamental... U should can your emotions... But what when your mind doesnt listen... When you dont think straight... Then what do you do?

Well as of now I'm calm composed... the stillness after a raging storm :) but I am confused as to when emotions may stir up a Basilisk again?!

when in life I took a plunge...

Life was all bliss, complete and flawless,
No rough waters just calmness and stillness,
The sun was shining down on me,
Bright warm sunshine reached out to see,
Is life perfect it asked, are you happy?
All I did was smile back, eyes sparkling will joy,
It could get better, it wouldnt get worse.
I had everything I ever wanted,
The path I chose crystal clear,
My supports and anchors stood near,
Egging me on to be strong,
To reach the pinnacle of success not far long.
As i reached across to grasp my dreams and goals,
I looked back for my anchors hold,
But all of a sudden there was nothing there,
Just darkness I saw in despair,
I stood at the edge of a great abyss,
I had only one way to go,
The sun had disappeared and dark clouds gathered,
In fear of the lighning I covered,
This is not right things cant go awry,
I called out to them and did cry,
But all i saw was darkness around,
Slowly my mind and heart it found,
I stood there in fear as voices appeared,
They pushed me forward towards the end,
And then in the unhappy darkness I took the plunge...

To CAS or not to CAS!

This New years had a new surprise, The Conditional Access System or 'lovingly' called CAS has been enforced in parts of Mumbai. It was always on our minds thanks to the hundreds of advertisements, from BEST buses to hoardings, the service providers were all over the place selling their stuff but the excitement of the New Years Party had pushed Mr.CAS into some dark secluded corner of my mind.
Oblivious to the scenario, on the 1st of Jan, I switch on the TV and all i see is Udaya and SunTV and the likes! 50 free channels worth a load of shit stared back at me!
Then began the heated discussions as to what to chose... Tata Sky or Hathway or blah blah... Calculations, initial cost, channels to chose, availability, quality, opinion polls.... it was a full time 'BIG FIGHT'... All said and done we zeroed in on Hathway although TataSKY offered better reception quality and service... why because TataSKY was SOLD OUT!!!
A middle class family like ours took so much time to arrive at a suitable plan... why? Because they are sucking the life out of us!
The set top box STB costs a whooping 3000 bucks! Installation charges lie around 1000 while the monthly rent comes to a minimum of 300 rupees ... what does this add to ? A hole in our pockets!
True... you can chose the channels you want but at what price?!
Besides if you shift ... you invest all this again!!
If this is the situation at my home... consider the numerous people staying in chawls and slums... can they ever afford this!
Is CAS made for only the creme de la creme!
The broadcaster wants to increase his ratings, the operator wants to make a profit and the government wants to collect service and entertainment tax. Who is there for the consumers?

Goodbye...

With a smile on my face and a tear in my eye,

I chose to say to you goodbye,
Sleep well dearie while all is sound,
who knows what would come around.
In the book of life there are chapters three,
the past the present and the yet to be,
what the future holds is uncertainty,
0f where we'll be led by destiny;
so sleep well dearie leave all fear,
cos today we're happy...
our hearts are clear.

What to blog..?

It has been a long time since i have written anything (other than an ever lenghtening list of 'things to do'). I'm not bragging but many have asked me when my blog would come out of hibernation. I was browsing through a few blogs to know whats in these days... Hey!! I was under tremendous pressure mostly created by my own mind... which refused any more excuses... no inspiration to write?? ... what am i ... Salman Rushdie?? I know of people who maintain regularly updated blogs... almost ever week new posts are ready complete with pics and all... But most of those are the ones i dont agree with...why? read on...
I really dont understand why people put up personal information about what they did with their friends, how they enjoyed a trip, putting up pics of their friends or writing some nonsensical selfmade proverbs...
Blogging may mean just writing... but what you write must be worth reading... people should want to come back to you blog to argue against your stand or agree with your reasoning not to know about what you did last sunday...

You may argue that your blog is your own personal space to put up anything you want but in my opinion a good blog should give you something to think about ... something to comment on ... something worth a read!

When I look into your eye……

Yesterday, I looked into your eyes,
I knew at once they held no lies,
And all I saw was true love,
Reaching out to me like a free dove.
I lowered my eyes with fear,
That the look may drive me near,
May make my eyes linger in yours,
Make me drown in love so pure.
I’m afraid to open out the door,
Although my heart may want for more,
My mind tells me you may lose all,
And it may lead to an autumn fall.
But then I know I have to let go,
Because without opening your wings you will never soar,
You may not know what is in store,
Because life is a mystery right to the core.
And more mysterious are your ways,
And so my heart to me says:
All that you felt was dear,
Was always held close and near,
Then why do you distance a heart of gold,
The warmth in the chilling cold.
Your simple ways and smiling face,
Have found in my heart a special place,
So do I fear the future,
Of the relationship we have to nurture?
No, it is the fear of a person,
The person who is I,
Because afraid to let go I still don’t know,
What I must do when I look into your eye.

Love to LIVE IN?!!

I was trying to get some control systems into my head when out of the blue my mom popped the question "What do the younger genera (i.e. me) think of the concept of live-in-relationships." A little skeptic as to why I was asked the question so suddenly I feared where this was headed but then mom clarified. Her group of social butterflies were discussing the topic, the origin of the debate: Salaam Namaste. As is obvious they did not infer that it was 'right' or 'wrong' but instead thought that it is the lofty ideas and unnecessary importance given to such relationships that triggers people into getting into them... I disagree!

I havent seen Salaam Namaste so I have no idea how they have portrayed the Live In relationship but I do know that people who get into them dont do so for the fascination or the hoopla about them... In actuality our society silently condemns such 'impure' relations...
Maybe if such a decision was left to me I wouldnt get into one but thats an individual choice. Each one of us is entitled to his own opinions and decisions and I feel that no one would get into such a relationship with so much social stigma attached to it without thinking...
It maybe casual for those brought up abroad or for those settling there but even they do attach importance to the fact that moving in together takes a relationship one step further... It is considered important. Those who dont think their relationship is that strong Dont move in together... its as simple!
It is a new concept, i agree it will take time to settle in but all i want to stress is that our generation does think... the impulsiveness is always there and sometimes it does lead the wrong way but in the end for most of us the decisions we make are thought over... they are not based on lofty ideas or fads or fascinations... they are made considering the consequences...
We do take steps put together by the heart AND mind.

Paheli....???

If you are one of the few who sat through the trauma of watching India's movie to the oscars you will have the same thoughts as i do.... WHAT BULLSHIT???
Paheli was not only the most senseless movie but also the most unneccessarily hyped too. I understand that it is a famous folklore et al but cant you just leave it at that!! Why make a three hour boring movie about a ghost who falls in love with a beautiful mortal takes her husbands place. Then comes a baby??? hello? thats a little too much.. the baby should have been satan or with a tail or a ghost atleast to make it even a weebit interesting... i think there may be a sequel!
All in all Paheli came we saw it and it sucked and that should have been the end of it BUT....

Black should have gone to the oscars for sure it was such a marvellous movie... it had so much meaning in it...it completely touched my heart. What performances...what a story. It was complete Oscar material...

I have no idea what was behind this 'fair' selection but i can surely say that India has lost its chance of getting its first Oscar!!

How dare they....?

Imagine being stranded of FC Road... impossible? I just discovered otherwise...

The scene is like this... considering the annoying nature of the rains my friend and i decided to go to class taken in fergusson college by the wretched auto rickshaw. Its 9 o'clock and after going through a whirlwind of a class we were already a little tired and wished to go home. We do not stay in some other village, just Karvenagar but yet can you believe it 17 rickshawwalas refused us a ride!!

Firsty they have absolutely no right to do that, they are to take a passenger wherever he wishes to go even if its timbuctoo.
Secondly they had the nerve of asking us for 10 rupees more or worse one and a half times the fare...how dare they... it was 9.15pm not 1.15am!!
Thirdly they are so rude and uppish that they do not even bother to reply... they just ride off!!!

All this may seem trivial but it took us an hour and a lot of walking and nerve wrecking to finally reach home... ive learnt my lesson i prefer the lashing rains...

All this made me think...Its the same case everywhere... whether its a government office or even our college students section or the rickshawwalas, bus drivers, shop keepers ...we have to confront egotism and haughtiness...

How are we ever going to develop as a nation if the lower strata of society continues to be arrogant and wallow in some virtual pride!!